September 2001 Newsletter
Statistics indicate that around a third of all families include step children. Consequently, there is a growing need for support to help step families create a positive experience for all family members. Following are some tips. You may also find the book Step-Parent Survival Guide by Leila Henderson a useful resource.

TIPS for the Step Parent

• Let the child come to you and encourage any conversation that does occur. Do not be overly affectionate if the child indicates they are not ready.
  
  
• Expect adjustment to the new family to take as long as is needed. Relationships will develop in their own time with all the ups and downs you can expect of any important relationship.
  
  
• Keep a low profile when it comes to discipline. You'll need your partner's cooperation, but it's best, for a while at least, to leave discipline to the biological parent.
  
  
• Be yourself. The greatest asset you bring is a different outlook on life.
  
  
• One of the first steps in creating a harmonious family life is to maintain a strong, communicative bond with your new partner. Try not to feel guilty for taking time out to be alone with your partner, but ensure you deliberately schedule time alone with the kids too.

TIPS for the Parent

• Remember that your partner, as a new step parent, has to adapt to a demanding new role and will need understanding and support rather than advice about parenting. Spend some time thinking about both your partner's and your children's feelings and try not to expect too much too soon. Chances are, it will take a significant amount of time for children to deal with the new situation.
  
  
• Be prepared to lay the groundwork with the children by being open, yet considerate. You could try saying things like "So-and-so will be coming around more often, she's a special friend to me."
  
  
• Acknowledge that the children may feel upset. Reassure them that they will not be shut out - this needs to be done with words and actions. Sometimes parents do not acknowledge a child's emotional pain because they don't want it to be there and they don't know what to say or do about it. Just being available and caring in your approach may encourage them to express how they feel and this might be enough for them to feel heard.